I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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