hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
