Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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