dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
