I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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