Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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