Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
