it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
