I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
