could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
