A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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