omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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