I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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