dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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