The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
These tits shall not be calmed
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
