I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
