I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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