Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
why is half of my head shaved?
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