can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
