I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Bring me that man meat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
