I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
