dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
