At least make sure they are 18
Why
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
