Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
