i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
