Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
