thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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