you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
