Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
