Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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