listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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