Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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