so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
