What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
