so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
