the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
