I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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