Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
