Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
