"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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