i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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