So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
