watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
