Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
