look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
