he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
