every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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