my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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