I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
