ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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