That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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